Don't Look Forward

10.22.2015 Thursday

Hello friends!

All is well in South America! Though I still feel as if I’m dreaming, my Peruvian life is starting to feel more and more real every day… But I still often need to remind myself that I’m living in a foreign country – takes my breath away every time!

It’s been over a month since I last wrote and I feel the need to explain. So, why haven’t I written?

To be completely honest, I’ve been somewhat avoiding it for various reasons.

On the one hand, I have been busy… in the mornings at least! Every day I teach three to five English classes. For all but two of my classes, I walk into the room when the bell rings, am handed a book and markers, and told to start teaching. Constantly I’m kept on my toes because I can never properly prepare lesson plans. Instead, plans I’ve never seen before are thrown at me and I must present grammar and vocabulary on a whim in a way that the students will remember. 

Needless to say, this proves frustrating. Especially when I cannot recall why certain grammar rules are the way they are since it is not something I need think about when I am speaking English. Sometimes after class I feel exhausted, frustrated, and defeated, like I didn’t do my best. Other days, I feel quite content with how well teaching went with such little prep time. I am doing my best to remain positive no matter how the day goes. In the end, I know I have an incredible opportunity here in Peru. I am gaining loads of practical experience while simultaneously having a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It’s hard to forget how much God has already blessed me in two months!

Secondly, not much has really happened since the last time I wrote. Now that I have a fairly consistent daily routine and have acclimated to my new home, life is life. There are always little adventures here and there, (trips to the movies, weekend shopping in various cities, games played with the Peruvian fam, etc.) but nothing that I would declare as newsworthy. I know as time passes and Kelsey and I begin to travel I’ll have more stories to tell and, I greatly look forward to it! But, for now, the “mundanity” of my life is something I quite enjoy. If anything, I appreciate all of the amazing little moments that happen constantly.  

Finally, and probably the number one reason I haven’t written, I’ve been flat-out avoiding it. I knew as I wrote my last post (“Don’t Look Back”) that I had to do a follow up post about dreaming about the future because, when I have free time, that’s often what I’m doing. It’s hard when living in a completely new environment to not look forward to familiar places, phrases, and faces and to choose to live in the moment. I wanted to wait to write until I figured out how to do just that, to choose to live in the now, though I’m not sure that even now I know what I’m doing.

When I first started to slip into daydream mode, I pondered the things that I know for certain are waiting for me when I return home, such as family, friends, and beautiful Colorado. However, the more I thought about my future, the more I realized that the possibilities of where life might take me are endless. That’s when the gears really started turning.

I considered taking another year off of school when I get back to Colorado, just so I could have time to be in one place, the place I love most. I realized that since I’ve started college, I haven’t been in my home state for a visit longer than six weeks!

Freshman year at MLC --> Summer 2014 in Nebraska --> Sophomore year at MLC --> 5 weeks of Summer 2015 in Chile --> 6 weeks in Colorado --> a whole school year in Peru from August 2015 – May 2016

It freaked me out a little bit. It was like I was going through the college decision chaos that every senior faces, except that I showed up a little late to the game. A little late being more like triple overtime with eight seconds left on the clock.

I always knew I wanted to travel and clearly I’m doing and loving that! But, after almost two and a half years “away” from home, I’m ready to be back for a while. After this trip is over, I’m not sure that I will ever travel for more than a couple of months again. Words cannot describe how overjoyed I am that I agreed to this opportunity to live in Peru, but I just don’t know that it’s something I yearn to do again. Some are born as aimless wanderers and others are just short-term visitors. I’m still dying to explore every corner of the earth, but I want to do so with smaller chunks of time. I’m ready to be in one place for a while. More than anything, I’m ready to be in Colorado. I love every place I’ve discovered already, but Colorado will always be special to me; it will always be where I return to.

This kind of thinking quickly led me down other paths as well.

I considered transferring out of Martin Luther College. So much so that I actually began researching tuition costs and Spanish Education programs at the University of Colorado. I estimated expenses and even thought about requesting transcripts. I suppose currently this idea has been pushed more to the back of my mind, though it is still something I am considering. As of this moment, I intend to finish my schooling at MLC.

Yet, the thought process had already gotten the ball running.

I began to wonder if I want to take a call when I graduate. For those who may not know, graduates of MLC have the option to take a call, which, simply speaking, is when a school/church asks for a graduate to come teach/preach. The school/church explains their needs and what type of characteristics would suit their environment well – usually, they do not request a specific graduate. It’s actually a really cool process because a board gathers to help place the graduates in the available positions. They ask and pray for God’s guidance through the whole procedure so that graduates end up where they can best serve the Lord.

So, obviously, it’s awe-inspiring to watch the Lord work in this way.

I had always thought I would take a call right after graduating. I figured if I wanted to return to Colorado after a year or two of teaching wherever God placed me, I could always teach in a public school or find another job. While I am still overwhelmed to see God’s wisdom work through his people when sending calls, I’ve also realized that maybe calls aren’t for everyone. After all, God made me who I am for a reason. He doesn’t need a board to make a decision of where to send me. He’ll get me where I need to go by whatever means he chooses; maybe even just by using my own desires to drive me. If God is going to put me in Colorado, well that’s already my end goal. Now, it’s just when and how I get there.

So, yeah.

Where my life is headed post-Peru, I’m not really sure. One thing I’ve learned from all this self-evaluation is that it’s okay to make plans for the future and change my dreams… even if it’s hard to do and might even become a little bit messy.  Part of why I’m here is to grow and to learn who I am, to prepare for my future, so looking ahead is a good thing.

No matter what, I have about as good of an idea of what my life will look like next year as I do of what it will look like in the next five minutes. I mean, for goodness' sake, a year ago is when I first met Daniel. At the time I never even imagined that I’d be living in Peru now as part of his family. I just wanted to hurry up and get school over with. But God threw a curveball at me, which he seems to have a funny habit of doing.

I can plan and predict and organize and hope and dream of where my life is going, but in the end, I can only do so much. God will put me where he wants me and it will be better than what I imagined it could be.

Maybe this trip has changed everything. Isn’t that why I came here though? I was seeking a life changing experience. I still don’t know exactly what that means, but I know I’m in store for more than I asked for.

Right now, I don’t need to make any drastic decisions. So, I’ll wait.

I’ll love Peru.

I’ll miscommunicate.  

I’ll laugh.

I’ll explore.

I’ll pray.

I’ll get frustrated.

I’ll miss home.

I’ll have routines.

I’ll teach.

I’ll study God’s Word.

I’ll be content.

I’ll daydream about my future.

And I’ll step up to the plate ready for God's next pitch, curveball, screwball, fastball, or whatever it may be.

Ciao!

"'What day is it?'
'It's today,' squeaked Piglet.
'My favorite day,' said Pooh."
-A.A. Milne

Vive en el momento.