Buckled-In

6.15.2015 Monday

And I'm sick.

I guess that's what happens when you live in a city filled with smog, don't sleep, eat a diet consisting mostly of bread, and don't drink enough water. But, hey, that's the life you must live when you want to take it all in with only a limited amount of time to do so.

Honestly, I love it here so much. I've never lived a big city life before so, in and of itself, that has been an experience. Everyday I have the opportunity to visit a new place and participate in different activities. It's a little ridiculous that, if I so choose, I never have to endure a dull moment. It's exciting. I never know what each day will bring and all the while I'm living this riveting life in an unfamiliar place with a foreign culture. I realize that if I actually lived in Chile for the long haul my life would be completely different. I'd still have plenty of opportunities, but I wouldn't be a tourist. In a way, this world that I love is nothing more than a mere fantasy. A glimpse into a world that is not my own, a world that has been sprinkled with buckets of pixie dust.

However, it's also challenging. I miss my family. I miss my friends that are back in the states. I miss Colorado summertime and American food. I miss being able to convey my thoughts, my deeper desires and opinions, in a language that doesn't require thought before I open my mouth. I find myself wishing that my loved ones were here to experience every moment with me, from the simple moments like when I tried homemade Chilean ice cream to the unforgettable ones like when I hiked the magnificent Andes. In certain instances, I wonder how I will ever survive nine months in Peru without the life and people I'm accustomed to. I wonder how I can ever possibly become competent in a tongue that is not my own.

We were not made to be prepared for every minute; it is the events leading up to the monumental moments in our life that prepare us for these adventures. I wholeheartedly believe that is what Chile is for me. A sampling of a life I strongly desire to have, an unimaginable life I will have in Peru, that at times it's going to flat-out suck. Life isn't supposed to be easy. If it was, we wouldn't have a sense of accomplishment, a desire to exceed our limitations, or the guts to venture outside of our comfort zones. I firmly believe and cling to the notion that it is in our most trying hours that we grow the most.

At times, I'm scared. I'm uncomfortable. I'm tired. I'm unsure. I'm sick. I'm ready to quit.

Meanwhile, I'm calm. I'm confident. I'm inspired. I'm ignited. I'm unwavering. I'm fighting til the end.

It's a complicated and confusing mix of emotions, but that's what makes it so powerful and so life-changing. I wouldn't change any minute of this experience, even the moments that are awkward and embarrassing, the moments when I look like, and am, a stupid gringa. I've seen how three weeks in South America can expand my proficiency in Spanish, and moreover, how it can transform my life. I can't wait to see how much I'll experience, grow, and change in the next year.

It's scary, but it's thrilling. Through the good and the bad, I'm in it for the long haul. Cause what's the point of standing in line if you're not going to buckle-in for the ride?

Ciao!

"Stuff your eyes with wonder, he said, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dram made or paid for in factories. Ask no guarantees, ask for no security, there never was such an animal. And if there were, it would be related to the great sloth which hangs upside down in a tree all day every day, sleeping its life away. To hell with that. Shake the tree and knock the great sloth down on his ass."
- Ray Bradbury (Fahrenheit 451)

Deseo vivir una vida extraordinario. Estoy lista perseguirlo.